Miss Magnifique!!

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

It's Not Because Of The Talents That I Have...

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang


this is something personal. something that i just want to rant about. please just read my p/s, ok? sebab korang akan bosan pun baca entry personal and panjang and tak ada kena mengena dengan sesiapa. kbai.


some people said that i have born with talents.

but i guess, it's not because of the talents that i have.
truthfully, i never think that i have any talent.

macam some of you yang cakap, i have talent in writing, but when i look at myself. i read back all the sampah pieces that i'd wrote. this is not called talent, this is just because of the destiny.

aku menulis kerana aku ada pengalaman, aku menulis bukan kerana aku ada bakat, tapi sebab aku ada pengalaman. sebab aku ada kisah. sebab aku ada cerita. cerita masa lalu.

kalau korang rasa penulisan aku best, thank you so much dekat Allah, sebab Dia telah menulis jalan cerita aku. sebab Dia bagi aku cerita. 
thanks to my papa because he made me wanna write all those feeling that i feel and felt.
thanks to my mama, because of her, i have all the spirits and strengths.

sebab bila aku cuba menulis bukan dari kisah aku, aku tak pernah berpuas hati walau satu ayat pun. sebab itu bukan kisah aku. itu kisah imaginasi aku. i never can interpret my imagination very well eventho in writing. kalau in drawing, lagilah hampeh.

macam some of my cousins said that i have skills and talents in baking and cooking. padahal aku sebenarnya bukan nya ada talent in cooking or baking. its because of my grandma and my aunts, that really have a very great talents in cooking and baking.

my cousins always said, ah m, you dont have to worried, you have talents in cooking and baking that we dont have.
but masalahnya, memang lah i can cook and bake, but i'm not great in cooking and baking. its just because of the kebiasaan aku menolong diorang. itupun aku menolong diorang cooked and baked masa hari raya or any function or any orders.

i dont have talents in cooking and baking, but, my cousins and azr always said that i have talents in cooking and baking... 

i am still my mom's daughter, do you know that my mama didnt know how to cook and bake? my mama only know how to cooked nasi goreng. and hanya pandai buat lengkong buah. that were only thing that my mama knew.. and i think i dont know how to cook, i only know how to cook and bake a few meals, and aku cuma belajar masak and bake benda yang aku suka makan je.

some of them said, i'm a good listener, but to be a listener is easy, its not that you must have talent to listen to someone's problem. some of them said i'm good with words to comfort and give opinion.
but, opinion and word tu sangat jarang aku dapat bagi pun. sebab selalunya aku tak tau ayat apa yang sesuai. kadang-kadang aku takut nak cakap sebab aku takut akan melukakan hati diorang, dan kadang-kadang aku takut nak cakap sebab takut apa yang aku cakap bukan apa yang mereka mahu dengar.

and some of them pernah cakap, adik, you should jadi tok bomoh. you have talent to be tok bomoh.
seriously, this was the most funny thing that i have ever heard. ha. ha. 
tak pernah ada dalam list. aku bukan pandai jampi serapah. aku bukan ada jin nak suruh tolong aku. cet.. tak berasas sungguh. buat kena laknat je dengan Allah, nauzubillah min zalik.


aku tak tau kenapa dari dulu sampai sekarang, i have low self-confidence. yang bestnya, everyone around me, believe in me in some ways. believe that i am a good writer, believe that i am a good cooker and baker. 

maybe because, i am perfectionist. maybe because aku nak semua nampak perfect. 
maybe sebab aku tak suka tiru orang. maybe sebab aku tak suka nak terpengaruh dengan orang-orang sekeliling. 
maybe sebab aku ada strong feeling to be independent.
maybe sebab aku ada strong feeling to be me, myself and i.
maybe sebab aku tak nak karya aku ada pengaruh dari penulis lain. padahal untuk penulis newbie macam aku, its normal untuk terpengaruh. tapi, aku tak suka.
maybe sebab aku nak jadi lain dari yang lain, and because of it, i will destroy myself.

motif aku tulis entry ni, sebab aku tak puas hati dengan novel butterfly aku, actually aku dah tulis sampai bab 40 something, tapi aku tak dapat nak publish kat blog sebab aku nak jadikan dia full novel untuk dipublish. 
aku tak puas hati dengan semua cerita yang aku tulis kat blog tanpanamaputeri tu, sebab bukan tu yang aku nak tulis. 
sebab tu aku baru realised that i didnt have talent in writing, its just because i have some stories in my past. 
and when i want to interpret my imagination to be a story, it turns out to be so bad.
and butterfly story, is not a true story, mungkin the true feeling was there, mungkin a part of me was there, but, i never satisfied with the flow of the story. and it make me sick like hell. lelebih lagi penggunaan terhad laptop untuk diri aku. well, i need to take care of my eyes, i cant overused my eyes. tak boleh nak selalu mengadap microsoft word, make me more stress..

i wonder how penulis lain boleh tulis novel dalam masa 2, 3 months? even they are busy with their personal life. aku tak adalah sangat nak kata busy with my personal life.

aku tak puas hati dengan diri sendiri, sebab i try to put my own story in this blank paper, but i just cant. sebab aku tak berani. sebab aku terlalu fikir apa yang orang akan fikir if aku berani untuk meluahkan semuanya dekat dalam blank paper ni?
ini pun blog yang aku cuba sembunyi dari semua orang yang aku kenal personally. tapi, haritu ada orang stalk aku sampai jumpa blog aku. 
and i'm worried like hell.
because, all the emotions that i've tried to conceal was here. 
malah, aku pernah terfikir untuk delete all my story bout my past here.

sebab i just realised something, aku tak berani nak show my true emotion. aku tak nak orang tau apa yang berlaku disebalik senyuman aku. aku tak nak orang tau apa yang ada dalam hati aku disebalik diam aku. aku tak nak orang tau disebalik tawa aku, aku masih lagi hidup dalam masa lalu.
aku tak nak orang yang aku kenal personally tau what is going inside my heart.

ah, aku memang suka mengcomplicatedkan diri sendiri.

sorry, peeps, this is my personal online diary. and i want to rant something. sorry for making you reading this.


p/s: aku tak dapat nak blogwalking this few days. but i'm sure will blogwalking later. thank you for all your visits and thank you for those who followed me..i'll visit later and follow later ok? thank you and sorry.


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31 comments:

kura said...

betul tu. jgn lah complicated kan diri sndiri :0

zuk zuhaiza said...

somehow, part of it is me.

kay_are said...

talent tak semesti nye depend kat jalan cite kan? kalau cite tu best tapi we dont know how to make people interested in our writing, its no use isnt it? So believe in yourself r. Cara ko bercite tu pun bagi 1 satu talent yang ko ade. Bukan senang nak bagi someone bace and leh rase ape yang kite cube sampaikan. So bagi aku, ko memang berbakat dalam menulis ok! so chill!! dah.. g rest cukup2

Pembunuh Tanpa Bayang said...

menulislah ikut hati....

aku HaniAsyira said...

alalala.. a good writer always not satisfy about her own work.. not only a writer but all people that expert in their fields..

so, it it normal you don't satisfy with your story..

ur pieces of lifetime are advantages for u.. just use it in your writing dear..

put some ingredients to make ur story complete.. our own story is the best story depends in what type ur writing style.. i guess.. =)

Good listeners when we listen to the people that talk to us not hear.. so, u did a great job miss M..

Liselle MonCherie said...

Dear Lady Magnifique,
All humans are born with a purpose
and different story lines.
Some of us can survive in a very cruel world...and some of us might just gave up life before they even manage to overcome their problems.

And I believe with all the hardness that you've been through is one of the purpose that has been written by Him.Actually you've help many people and make us realise that "kita selalu pikir yg kita susah,tp sebenarnya ade org yg lagi susah dr kita".

Sometimes the past that makes who we are,and I believe that most writers put their own experience in their novels,only talented person that could describe their honest expression towards life,and you're are one of the talented person :).

Hardness of life brings us inspiration
Hardness of life makes us wiser
Hardness of life makes us a better person.

There's a proverb that says,"The time when we can think relevantly is when the time we experience the hardness of life"

I would like to express my gratitudes to you after you gave me motivational comments and always there to help me to stand up.

You can do this Miss Magnifique.I believe in you

-deep from my heart-
Firzanah :) <3 xoxo

Woofer Storm said...

blog anda punya cerita...ramai suka itu~

Akue Achik said...

rileks..

ilham dtg bila tak fkir byk sgt.. :)

kalo ada bakat, dont deny..there are lots of people out there wish to have one but was born with nothing.

anyway, talent tak semestinya natural..ia boleh dipupuk..

last one, sometimes, people can see things that we cant..they might be seeing it as talent, but for us..it`s something that we strive to get or terbiasa buat.

thoughts that matter.

Saya mEmang suka Menuliz:D said...

kak teenage u got the talents..do u know what kind of talents do u have..let me tell u..simple jwpn..its a LOVE..every entry u wrote down semuanya setiap bait kata adalah dtng dr hati cinta..bukan semua ada kak teenage..cinta paling agung to Allah..ur mom and also ur fami;ya..doesnt matter about the novel yg kak teenage write tu..sebab novel yg ada dipasaran berdasarkan kayalan semata-mata..why dont u give it to me..so i can read..reena memang jd rujukan untuk sesiapa yg tulis novel or even cerpen..im gonna give a comment after i read..=)

eita said...

dari pengalaman lah boleh menghasilkan citer..
seorang penulis perlu punyer imaginasi yang tinggi...

CikAnyss' :O said...

tak da bosan pon ! siyes ! hehe

CaDLyNN said...

M,
masing2 ade bakat masing2..keep on searching.. :)

kite pon tak pandai masak.. :)

Ayiesha Sani said...

Dan sy xtw knape..walau sepanjang mane pon ur entry sy akn hbis..seolah ingin "masuk" dlm ni..untuk myelami..
be strong dear:-)

Choki said...

Like I said before..Modesty has always been special feature for u..It's ok la if you don't believe in yourself.The fact is other ppl do.Including me la..At least your novel tu dh byk..40 something??!! Byk kot >_<" Saya baru buat dua cerita T___T" Anyway,g'luck in everything Kak M!! ^_^

H.S Wijaya said...

saya pun selalu rasa mcm tak de bakat.walaupun orang kata saya berbakat dalam penulisan,walaupun orang kata saya berbakat dalam komunikasi formal.saya jarang sekali puas hati dgn hasil karya saya,novel saya masih tak siap-siap lagi gara-gara saya asyik edit,edit dan edit.susahnya nak puas hati.kadang-kadang tu memang rasa nak give up.

btw kawan,listening is a talent actually.tak ramai yang mampu mendengar.kebanyakan manusia hanya tahu bercakap tetapi tidak tahu mendengar.being able to listen well is a gift actually.it is not an easy task for me. :)

deno said...

teruskan menulis dear... :) never give up!

zaty luvlianncezzz said...

mungkin bakat bukan ayat yg sebetulnya. maybe, speciality yg ada pada awak :)

Aishah Jahirah said...

ada org cakap bakat boleh digilap,bakat boleh dicari...tp kena ada kesungguhan n minat yg tinggi la...M kdg2 akak rasa mcm ada persamaan je dgn M,mgkn in term harapan org,perfectionist tu...huhuu

HeNRieTTa JoSe said...

Salam...sorry didnt have much time to comment...but i always read ur n3...

Romeo Laut said...

ok dah entry yg kau taip.. cuma campur bahasa melayu dgn inggeris.. rasa tak berapa selesa. lebih baik kalau sepenuhnya bahasa melayu. atau penuh dalam bahasa inggeris.

alyrds said...

wah~ panjang sungguh 'celoteh' nya :-P .. anyhow, this is the way to find your self. Dengan mengkongsi kisah ini sedikit sebanya telah melapangkan 'dada' minda anda betul? ada masa kita akan fikir 'why can't i write it all?' dan sometimes kita kan fikit 'biarlah, suka aku, kisah ape?' right? .. seperti kata punjangga 'mulut tempayan boleh ditutup, mulut manusia?' ... better for you be your self. be positive! can? ....

miss daya said...

yang.. 1 thing for sure.. those succesful ppl whom the best in whatever they do, not all of them was born gifted.. some of them learn from their experience.. like u said.. u help your aunt baking n cooking that's y u good at it.. huhu.. i dont want to nag u more.. ekeke..stop thinking too much.. take care k

Miss Butterfly said...

same ! suke mengcomplicatedkan diri snirik . taktau knape T_T

Nong Andy said...

:)

reading for 2nd time.

dan baru drop a comment :)

*akak tak ada cikgu yg boleh ajar baking. dah byk kali cake akak masuk dlm tong :(

Domu-kon said...

being perfectionist is tough.. sebab bila ada benda yang kita rasa tak kena..even orang lain cakap dah ok.. kita tetap rasa tak kena...

it same goes to me,sis.. even my blog..memng di sembunyikan dari orang2..tapi bila ada org stalker.. no privacy at al.. in fact..my blog pernah di copy paste and di post di fb oleh org yg tak bertggungjwb...

apa pun teenage.. kadang2...if rasa low confident..try bersyukur apa yg kita ada..dan org lain xde..

O CIKTEDDY said...

yuu have talent,believe me..kalo org ade pngalaman tp xtau mcm mane nak citer kasi org lain faham,mknanya dia xde talent dlm bercerita..kan3?hehe

si kiut lavender said...

it's ok

talent kadang2 diri sendiri selalu tak pasti apa yg ada dalam diri kita

tentang self confident..
skl akui yg skl memang low dari segi self confident
ntah..malas nak cakap panjang...t kang kat sini jagk boleh dibuat entry..hihihi

Cik FaRiZaM said...

salam kenal n follow sini

dr
http://afasz.blosgpot.com

cinta siswi said...

bakat terpendam..hehe... tp u mmg ade talent dlm menulis.. i'm enjoying ur blog dear..hihi

Badrina Ibtisam said...

Hi Kak M..! :) Saya suka cara akak menulis. Bagi saya, akak seorg yg baik, pnyabar, and yeahh. Even saya tk prnah meet akak en. Hehe. ;)

♥e'in♥ said...

tu b'makne dorg sume senang dgn adik.. :)

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