Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang
this is something crazy.
out of my mind. out of no where. i dont know what i was thinking when i'm writing this post. this is for who can understand. this is for who ever can feel what i'm writing for. it might be for you, but it might not be you. it might be for my readers here, and it might be for whom who will never know about my blog.
i wanna talk about the journey. the journey that have no time. the journey that some people might think its an illusion or delusional thinking. i dont care if its exist or not. because now, i and you are living in the present.
but, we cant deny that sometimes we can feel the deja vu. or maybe we feel that we are related to something or someone in the past. i dont know what you believe in, back then, i'm afraid to trust, this deja vu thingy thing.
i'm afraid to explore this kind of journey. i'm afraid that i might be lost. i'm afraid to learn new things in this present of my lifetime. i just want to believe what people are saying.
i just want to believe like everyone else believe in.
but, if i continue like this. i will not be me anymore. i will be a person that just same with anyone else. and i dont want to be the same. i dont want to lose my self value. if you understand what i mean.
i was lost. i was afraid.
but then, Allah open my mind. open my heart. and open my eyes. to see things. to understand things. to feel every vibrate.
even i know all these thing years and years ago, since my mama was healthy and alive. but i never wanna talk about it. i never want to believe in it. coz i'm so afraid.
the journey is so unreasonable for our small brain. it is so out of the box that i just dont know how to explain. and i never wanted to open the box. and it will just remain as my imagination in my imaginary world.
but, years after years...
when i'm reaching 20.
when i'm at the end of my 20 years.
the deja vu, or the feeling came back again.
at first i dont even realised it. but day after day, when i realised it. my mind was stuck. because i dont even know what was happening. why every words of yours i feel like i'm related to it.
but i'm a girl who always play i-know-nothing..
i just let it passed by. because it will be so absurd for me to say all those thing.
but Allah make me understand something when i'm reading a book. something that really hard to explain.
but little by little i can relate to it. little by little i understand what was happening. bit by bit i can accept things that happened in my concious mind or subconcious mind or unconcious mind.
we are not together in this 'present' because we were never be in 'past'. nor i think we would be in 'future'.
maybe we have some 'conflict' in past, that i will never know in this 'present' nor i wanted to know about what the 'conflict' was.
that's why when we 'met' again in this 'present', yea, we feel related but then again, the thing will never be right.
i'm quite sure, how am i in this 'present' resemble me in the 'past'.when its about 'feeling', i'm a zero. and i hurt so many people and maybe its including you.
or maybe, because i think i know who i belong to.
whatever it is or it was, i may not be understand you, but i think i can feel it.
and again, 'past', 'present' and 'future', let us be just friend..:)
and after becoming 21 years old lady, i gain bit by bit confidence in myself. i am more aware, that i am never alone.
there is and always have people are like me. all over the world...:)
okay tak english aku?
mesti banyak grammar error kan?
okay tak aku nak buat cerita pasal ni?
er, i guess, this is my next coming project, untuk menulis?